one week and plus plus left to the holidays. but before that, there is the PRELIMS to kill all our mood to have fun. lols

its less than a week to the ss paper and i havent start revising. there are two books to study and im feeling sick just at the thought of it. luckily, its only one subject than need so much studying, since there is nothing for me to read for eng. but just one subject can kill me. homework have been rushing in and i cant finish them on time. i want to study, but my brain cant stay still and focus. the sleeping bug tends to come and i will fall asleep in front of the book. i cant help it and i feel guilty. i want to do well too, but how can i do it if i dun study well? if i am a genius, i wont have to worry. bt im not. even studying well may not give me good grades bt at least i tried. i tried to study. i need motivation and a goal in life. but my goal in life now doesnt tell me to study hard. the future career that i want does not need me to study all my sciences and humanities, maybe only my maths. but maths has been a disaster ever since this year. i didnt realise maths could kill me until recently. i duno wads wrong with me and i cant seem to put those maths thing in my brain. things no longer work out as perfectly as before.

im jealous of my sister. she finished her mid years and is slacking now. but i cant.

school has been miserable so far. bt jokes and gossips with friends have made life much better. and life at home is nothing better. me and my family have been the victims of mosquitoes living in the house and i have thousands of bites everywhere. they are so irritating.

im reading the book 'a walk to remember' now. its nothing much in the beginning, all talking about how a girl and a guy got to know each other more and stuffs like that. and the girl is a very nice girl. caring and innocent. bt the story ends with the girl dying from cancer. im still halfway, reading the book, but i cant bear to finish it. the girl doesnt even deserve to die, but she did. i thought all good people come to a good end, but why did she die so early? i wanted to stop reading the book, but then, i realised i cant escape from reality. the girl died and i cant change the fact even if i dun read the book. bt i just cant understand why things like that happen. or maybe its just a story and it wont happen in real life?

anw, prelims are coming and i dun know how to study. the fact that there are remedials during the holiday make me feel even tired. i thought my burdens were going to lighten in two weeks time, but no. they are not. it is going to weigh even more.

time just walked away and there are many things to be done. this is just so boring. im going crazy because of all the class tests and timed practice. i should be happy since there is no mid-years bt instead im still studying endlessly and reading all my thick textbooks. it is just an 'O' levels. why am i killing myself for it? this is such a waste of time and im sacrificing all my happiness cos they got buried under the textbooks. such a pity.

bt anw, i shoudnt be grumpling and complaining since i havent been putting in effort. i realised, for all this time, i have not really take the 'O's seriously. previously was because of syf. syf took 'most' of the time and i wasnt bothered with studying. now, im obsessed with taking naps since i can go home quite early and im not in the mood to study. the things just cant get into my head and im starting to think that teachers are irritating. is it just because of the 'O' dat they have become such a irritant or they were always like that. they teach and teach den suddenly they give tests even though they have not complete the topics.

i wished i could still have ccas, den i can dance again. it makes me forget all the work and tests. bt i wouldnt want any stress from dance. i would just want to do it happily and it would be great.

there's a mother's day dinner later. =D hopefully, the food is nice.